Out of the Mouths of Babes…

“Please don’t snatch my daddy!” This honest plea coming from a six year old girl, Baby Six, whom I had just met, rendered me speechless. Kids will shock you with exceptionally blunt talk, I kid you not. And just in case you’re wondering whether or not I have a reputation as a daddy-snatcher, I don’t! And I have no way of knowing if Baby Six’s parents’ marriage needs salvaging from daddy-snatchers. Baby Six and her older sister, Baby Eight, are visiting my housemates from a neighboring town and boy, am I in for the shock of my life!

Oopsie! ©dreamstime.com
Oopsie!©dreamstime.com

“Do you have a wife?” So begins yet another interrogation session by Baby Six. She would badger me with question after question, leaving me no room to think, never mind respond.

“Our friends kiss boys at school” I stare back at her in disbelief – from daddy-snatching to kissing boys, what’s next? A dildo? My heart aches for this younger generation whose innocence is snatched from them way too soon by the ever increasingly immoral world we live in – ahem, Donald Trump’s p*ssy-grabbing advocacy.

Foul-Mouthed Kids Embarrass Everyone

“You are so dumb you must belong to the devil” Baby Eight is notably foul-mouthed and bullies every other kid in our gated community block. Both girls have not been outside of the house since they arrived a few days back and their unruliness is skyrocketing with each passing day. I’m mortified by the lack of discipline from my housemates. Even our neighbors seem fed up with the girls as they prevent their children from interacting with them. On any given day, you could look down from our balcony on the second floor and see children playing on the sprawl of lawn downstairs but this has since decreased since the arrival of the girls.

“Please guys, stay and play with me” Baby Eight would plead from our balcony whenever she spotted kids playing downstairs but the kids would soon disappear indoors to avoid her bullying tactics. Feeling trapped indoors, both girls take out their frustrations on me with a barrage of questions: Is that a pajama? – Gasp, they’re referring to my cherished African attire! Do boys visit you? Do you kiss boys? Do you like kissing boys?!

Exploding Tantrums are Attention Seeking Techniques Employed by Kids

©tamemytoddler.com
©tamemytoddler.com

Five days later, and still haven’t been outside the house, the girls’ bottled up energy erupts into full blown tantrums – they scream uncontrollably and turn the house into a pigsty. Baby Six wets herself in broad day light and Baby Eight gleefully announces it, at the top of her voice, to the kids playing downstairs – “Everyone, my sister peed in her pants today.” When that fails to draw any attention, mainly because neighboring parents had warned their kids not to interact with the unruly girls, Baby Eight yanks off her underwear and flings it over the balcony, then commands the kids downstairs to pick it up. By now I’m totally fed up with both of them and happily offer (read, demand) to chauffer the girls (read, little rascals) back to their parents.

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